I was asked to write about failure; my first thought was you came to the right place. Failure and I have had a long relationship. My dream career as a kid growing up during the Apollo era was to become an astronaut. Or a professional hockey player. Both of those dreams, as you might imagine, died young.

 

          

I was having a hard time holding down steady work in my chosen career. I’ll tell one story to illustrate the situation. I started a freelance gig at a small boutique agency I’ll call Reactive (not its real name). Reactive had a smattering of well-known accounts. Their offices were lined with clever posters for a prominent non-profit client. Reactive was led by a trio of people who had worked at a Who’s Who of agencies in New York. They seemed to be onto something, using social platforms like Facebook long before others caught on to the power of these media. Soon after joining this boutique, I worked on and sold a TV commercial for an ‘all-natural’ (aka snake oil) cold remedy. The bosses liked me so much they brought me on to work full-time, to work on that account as well as a brand of sauces and dips that paid half the agency bills. That was on a Friday. The following Monday, I found out that the CMO of the dip company fired us. Soon I was looking for freelance work again. That cold remedy ad I sold? Let’s just say it didn’t win a Gold Pencil. Shortly after that, I read the partners shut the doors on the place. But by that time, I was happily working for Accenture where I’ve been told to write an essay on failure. And so, the great circle of life is complete.

 

Accenture is a failure story. As a company, we’re the product of a divorce between partners of one-time accounting giant Arthur Anderson. The consultant types, who were responsible for huge growth with massive potential, thought they deserved more. They failed to reconcile, and Accenture was born. Our side of the split has been a runaway success. What happened to the staid auditors of Anderson Classic? The partners of America’s largest and most prestigious accounting firm lost everything in the Enron scandal.

 

There’s a song* lyric that goes:

                        Failure is always the best way to learn

                        Retracing your steps until you know

                        Have no fear, your wounds will heal

 

Doesn’t rhyme, I know. So … fails, right? Failure is everywhere in business and our personal lives. Who doesn’t feel like one after firing up Instagram? They say social media is about connecting us. But it often feels like it connects me exclusively with vacationing lottery winners taking their new car for a spin in Gstaad. Meanwhile. Back here on my dimly lit Monday, I feel I have not succeeded at writing an essay on not succeeding. Our minds have a way of sabotaging our contentment. Want to feel better? Remind yourself that of the billions of zygotes and ova out there, your individual combination of chromosomes somehow evaded viruses, negligent babysitters, and that ninja warrior obstacle course of middle school to arrive here. Congrats!

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Need some inspiration to feel better about your most recent fail? Binge the podcast ‘Dead Eyes.’ It tells the story of a struggling actor who got fired from the cast of a show produced by Tom Hanks for having, well, dead eyes, early in his career. Each episode recounts how he and other creative types responded and recovered from the devastation of rejection. The TLDL; we all face failure. The most successful people you know had movies that flopped, rockets that exploded on the launchpad, and startups that never really got started. The key to success is, in the words of Winston Churchill to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

           

Still feeling down, let Epicurious, the Stoic philosopher remind you that agonizing and dwelling on the past don’t really work…so go dancing and see a fun movie or something. Fire up YouTube and search “Buster Keaton.” That’s much more likely to work than staring at the ceiling. Ready for more philosophy? Not the 1950s Parisian café kind, but the kind people buy at a craft store and put on their wall next to a ‘It’s wine o’clock somewhere’ sign.

 

            Ready? Here goes:

            The biggest failure is to forget that our time is limited.

 

I think the Stoics and Buddha were drinking from the same amphora. The point is: time may be free, but it is priceless. We tend to stew on recursive thoughts–whether major, like taking the wrong job, or trivial like forgetting to add eggs to the cake batter. Our brains are wired to learn in order to prevent our future f-ups. But this learning circuitry can develop bugs. While it does take time to heal from the psychic wound of a lost job or a failed relationship–I’ve heard it can take a month to rebound for each year of the latter–cut yourself some slack if you overshoot that a bit. What’s helped me? Something that requires my full attention. Skiing or riding a bike. If you find yourself dwelling too much on past mistakes, consider therapy.

 

Failure, handled well, can make us stronger. How we respond to it is part of what makes us ourselves. There can be wisdom in it. For instance, that moment when you finally see what doesn’t work and you never drink half a bottle of tequila in one sitting again. Quoting the Bard, "Adversity, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head." F. Scott Fitzgerald used to claim that he wrote with “the authority of failure,” and he did. It was a source of power. The key is learning the habits of mind to regroup and recover. What are some of those? Think of the people who thrive when others are heading for the hills. Like cab drivers. They do better in a downpour. To make yourself less fragile, don’t go into debt. Pay your insurance bills. Have some emergency cash on hand. Don’t work for scumbags. Don’t gamble money you can’t afford to lose. Don’t worry about jobs; worry about your career. Eat healthy foods. Drink in moderation. Exercise. Take walks. Connect regularly with friends. When there’s a once-in-lifetime pandemic, get vaccinated and wear a freaking mask.

 

Of course, none of the above is a guarantee you won’t fall on your face and get the Omicron variant tomorrow. Coping with life’s failures is about building a secure backstop so you can take some bigger swings. Remember, it took Mr. Dyson 5,126 failed prototypes before finding something that sucked properly.

 

*Fail Harder is the slogan that greets you when you walk into Wieden & Kennedy, one of the world’s most famous ad agencies. They encourage creative daring and forgive the inevitable face plants that can result. Until you get laid off in a recession.

 

** Kings of Convenience’s “Failure,” on all streaming platforms.

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